Warning: Don’t read this if you are in a good place today.
I need you…one of you…any of you…my spiritual leaders, to tell me how to let this go and choose love; to be non-judgmental, but without enabling or accepting fear or hatred. I need someone to hold my hand this morning. No, wrap me tight in their arms and tell me it will all be ok. Then I can look at my teenage daughters and say the same to them with sincerity when I wake them. They can still be anything they want and are respected. They are old enough and know right from wrong, unlike half of our country.
Grief is the second most prevalent feeling in the human heart but we don’t discuss it in relation to something like this. Grief is the normal response to loss. What do I think I lost? The belief in the goodness of human nature. “A peaceful place or so it looks from space. A closer look reveals the human race.”
The familiarity of the physical pain of grief: upset stomach, no appetite, headache, insomnia, spaciness.
Reminder of the stages of grief: First, accept the reality of the loss – I need to do this without seeing any more maps colored in fear red or an acceptance speech.
Proceed to the emotions: that is easy for the moment – sadness and anxiety.
Eventually, adjust to the new reality; redirect love.
But how can I when hatred hijacked our election?
Some think grief is the price we pay for love, but love has no price. Fear and hate do. Remind myself that love is the most prevalent feeling.
My meditation was full of tears; and now my mat is. Is there a mudra to stop tears? No, and they need to flow. Along with the pen.
The upside down smile in down dog. I realize I did 15 minutes of yoga in peace without thinking about it.
I catch myself floating back to finding blame. Blame loved ones who voted for third party candidates. Blame egos who only want what is theirs and forget the rest. Blame my ass-backward state. Blame single issue voters. The last one feels a little better because at least for them it was about an actual issue; not fear or retaliation.
Please, someone more spiritually advanced than me tell me, how can I choose love when the majority hates? Someone give me the strength and faith to learn the lesson and move forward. This one got me. Big. Instagram telling me I should bleed bliss or find light in the darkness is crass. I can’t fake it. I live here and am too busy feeling sorry for myself and all those good people who will fall in his path.
The consequences of repressing feelings are much worse than feeling them. Numbness is a feeling. Social isolation is the desire. Hibernation is not an option. Work. School conferences. Feeding myself. I know I have to feel to heal. And move my body to feel. On my own terms. And in this red town, likely alone.
In yoga, love is the opposite of attachment, which is suffering. What is it I am attached to?Fairness? Compassion? Human decency? Thinking the popular vote should be enough?
I chant along to the music in a broken voice. My body organically sways like I’m rocking a child. Trigger. Back to the sobering reality…my children, all the children – will this behavior continue and will they grow to think it is acceptable? How do we protect them from bigotry and mistrust? Will relationships with other nations be different for future generations? fourfuckyears
If you voted for him and you know, come forward and teach the cowards and bullies who hide their racism and sexism behind curtains. White Wisconsin, you mask your hatred well. You are not “shy voters”. You are Slytherins – mistrusting serpents of cunning and self-preservation.
Press the send button. Don’t press the send button. Call me a sore loser. Grief will not breed hatred. But I recognize that I still have a lot of work to do on myself. Maybe that is the lesson.